This is everything I could never say.
I could never tell you I like you , let alone love you . You opened my heart that night and I let you in . I don’t think that was the mistake , the mistake was me get felling that weren’t supposed to happen we agreed just friends but It’s eating me alive . Right now I can’t take it your in love with my best friend and I’ll be a good friend and nod my head and say “happy for you ” but I’m screaming out but I do t want you to hear it would ruin everything so you hit love her and stand back and let you be happy .
Your gone now .the Complexity of this is hard to understand . Your completely gone from me . Death is the only thing that’s stoping us now ,not space or time or age . Death . I still love you . And I will never forget you .
the sown began to fall last night , i thought about you and the and the first time you said you loved me . i remember that night oh so clearly . it was sowning so hard and you promised to come and see me. and you kept your promise . you were frezzing cold and had a pink nose . the first thing you said when i opened the door was ‘man i love you’ and wrapped me in a hug for what felt like an hour .i miss those days before the war before you left . i love you john . please dont forget me . i think about you everyday . and it gets harder and harder to write these letters john, i miss you so bad .
i replayed the last thing we said in person , i thought of everything i want to say to you but i know i could never be that brave . im dating him but i love you , and your dating her , so i guess we are nevre ment to be . i love you my dear and i always will. your my reason to live and breath as i write this trears are coming out of my eyes . i want to sleep in your arms tonight . i want you to protect me from the drak and from the stroms that rage tonight . joy will never be in my heart again until you are in my bed one last night , not sex just sleeping in the dark with our legs intertwiend . i love you my dear so please come back to me . i meant what i said , i will wait for you to come back to me tonight . i can brearly breath tonigth, the night seems to last forever , and your images hauntes my dreams i havent seen you in while and im statring to forget the fearures of your faces . i haent heard your voice in long time i want to hear the clear deep voice speak my name again . it seems i have forgotton what you smell like the sweet smell of your breath will neverbe smelled by me again . i miss the tast of your lips on mine . i miss you my dear . i sit and in the feild where we first met with the daisys i sit and write this. the tears are almost gone and then i see a butterfly and they strart all over again . the little butterfly sits on the most prefect flower you have seen i want to get and take it home but it is bringing peace to the yellow butterfly so i leave it . the sun is setting and that means i must go . but my dearest love i will think of you tonight .
if only you knew how much you have opened me up. i have nevr been this comfortable with a person before .
it is really sacring the shit out of me trusting someone for this long and them not fucking it up . it is really sad that we talk more than me and my daddy . and my own boyfriend . and this time you trust me too……….